It's a pleasure to eat you.

So what is “normal” eating? Well, the dieticians and therapists that work with people with eating disorders are no longer using the term “healthy eating” because that has been turned into eating that is low-fat, low-cholesterol, high protein, low carbs, etc – in other words dieting. And then the things that are “unhealthy” are “bad.” Once we get into thinking “good” vs. “bad” it leads to trouble. When food is something we avoid, it becomes deprivation and restriction. When we do “indulge” we feel guilty. When we say it is “bad” it becomes desirable. We feel we have to eat something “good” to EARN the permission to have the “bad” – often in the form of dessert.

Why can I not remember the spelling of this word – “dessert”? Do I really think it is the “desert” – a dry arid and barren land that does not support much life, defined by a lack of (water, life, soil)? Hmmm.

Food is food. It is not “good” or “bad” except in terms of taste, flavour, or past-its-expiration-date. Eating is not a moral issue (except for those who make food choices based on their religious beliefs). You are not a better person when you eat well, and less deserving when you do not. People will often say “I was really bad this weekend” meaning that they ate more then they “should” have or ate the wrong things. Then they have to start their diet all over again on Monday. But since you are going to start on Monday maybe you should get your fill of the “good” stuff before the diet starts (good as in taste, bad as in naughty – so confusing). Because we think eating is all-or-nothing (either good or bad), when we are trying to be “good” we can’t eat the “bad” foods that taste so good! If you are going to have to deprive yourself once you are back on the diet, then you should have lots of your favourite binge food, because after Monday morning it is off-limits.

I was disturbed last year when my daughter had a lesson in grade one about Canada’s Food Guide and came home with the information that we should be “careful” with eating fat, especially since I had taught her that fat helps our brains and nervous system develop, gives us energy, and makes food taste good. The previous food guide had a category for “other foods” which included sweets, oils, etc., and the recommendation was that we should limit these foods. The new food guide does not have that category although it does recommend limiting foods and beverages high in fat, sugar and sodium (and lists examples of those tasty treats). And it actually recommends getting unsaturated fats and oils in the diet. This year at school I also saw a display with one board showing pictures of “healthy” foods and another of “unhealthy” foods – pretty clear for a child which is “good” and which is “bad.” This out-dated thinking creates the fear of fat that has led to so many problems in our food- and weight-preoccupied culture. Children need to learn that all food is OK, although some may have more nutrients than others, they all fit into normal eating.

Food is food. It is fuel for our muscles, and brains, and hearts, and skin – but it is not just fuel. It can be medicine – fighting the damage from free radicals, keeping our bones strong, repairing our blood vessels, removing waste from our bodies, and managing our mood by keeping our brain and nervous system healthy. It can be social – something that brings us together, something that expresses our ethnic culture, something we enjoy with friends and family, something we share, to entertain and celebrate. It can be joyful - something we plan and prepare, for the pleasure of being creative and expressive, something to nurture ourselves and our families, something to be enjoyed for its flavour, texture, smell, colour, and satisfaction. As the Korean proverb says “Eating is heaven.”

When I was in treatment for my eating disorder one of our homework assignments was to describe a food. I chose peanut butter, which I eat almost everyday and have for as long as I can remember. But I couldn’t describe it – I was stuck. I said to Mike “How do I describe peanut butter?” So he proceeded to say “It’s smooth or crunchy, a little oily, thick, and sticky…” I think my jaw must have dropped because I was so amazed that someone could do that – I didn’t realize that people did that! My eating was all about thoughts and emotions, obsessing about what I should not eat, planning what I would eat, feeling guilty about what I did eat. And then calculating how much exercise I would need to “work it off.” But it was NOT about tasting or experiencing or enjoying. It wasn’t “normal” eating.

To find out about normal eating we will quote the expert on the question. Ellyn Satter is a dietician and psychotherapist who has worked in the treatment of eating disorders and first coined the phrase “division of responsibility” focusing on feeding dynamics with children. Her website is a wealth of information for parents, in terms of how to feed, and for adults, in terms of how to eat. One of my favourite things is her term “treating the dieting casualty” which describes A LOT of people, especially women.

So we return to the question: what is “normal” eating? Well it is certainly NOT the norm, but it is the correct, the natural, the intuitive, way to eat. Following this approach to eating and weight management gets you to the point where, as Ellyn Satter puts it, “eating will take its natural place of being one of life's great pleasures.”

What is Normal Eating?

Normal eating is going to the table hungry and eating until you are satisfied. It is being able to choose food you like and eat it and truly get enough of it – not just stop eating because you think you should. Normal eating is being able to give some thought to your food selection so you get nutritious food, but not being so wary and restrictive that you miss out on enjoyable food. Normal eating is giving yourself permission to eat sometimes because you are happy, sad or bored, or just because it feels good. Normal eating is mostly three meals a day, or four or five, or it can be choosing to munch along the way. It is leaving some cookies on the plate because you know you can have some again tomorrow, or it is eating more now because they taste so wonderful. Normal eating is overeating at times, feeling stuffed and uncomfortable. And it can be undereating at times and wishing you had more. Normal eating is trusting your body to make up for your mistakes in eating. Normal eating takes up some of your time and attention, but keeps its place as only one important area of your life.

In short, normal eating is flexible. It varies in response to your hunger, your schedule, your proximity to food and your feelings.

Copyright © 2009 by Ellyn Satter. Published at www.EllynSatter.com. For more on eating competently (and for research backing up this advice), see Ellyn Satter’s Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook, Kelcy Press, 2008. Also see http://www.ellynsatter.com/commerce/catalog.jsp to purchase books and to review other resources (Reprinted in its entirety as requested)